I’m sure all of you like chess. Let’s be honest, how can we not love a game where you take turns hitting things with wooden sticks? Here are fifty chess puns (and a few jokes).
It’s worth reading every one of them (even if you didn’t think I was funny in the first place) because they’re all amazing.
Best Chess Puns
Why did the chess player have trouble finishing their lunch? They kept trying to mate their sandwich.
What did the chess player say when they forgot the password? Pawn stars.
Did you hear about the chess player who opened a restaurant? The menu was full of checkers.
How does a chess player celebrate their birthday? By having a knight out with friends.
Why did the chess player climb a tree? To get a bird’s-eye view of the board.
What do you call a chess player who’s always lying? A pawn-occhio.
Why did the chess player get a ticket? They parked in the bishop’s spot.
How do you know if a chess player is a morning person? They’re always up for a gambit.
What did the chess player say when their teacher asked if they made progress? “I’m Rook-ing good.”
How do you know if you’re playing against a vampire chess player? They always love a good blood rook sacrifice.
Why did the chess player become a deep-sea diver? They wanted to find some coral castles.
How does a chess player get ready for bed? They knighty-night everyone goodbye.
What kind of music do chess players enjoy? Anything with a good b-sharp.
Why did the chess player cross the road? To flank the enemy.
What do you call a chess player who loves to dance? A checkerboard champion.
Chess Jokes
Why did the chess player go to jail? Because he was caught castle-ing.
What do you get when you cross a chess player and a rock climber? A chess nut.
Why was the chessboard always cold? Because there were so many draughts.
How does a chess player dispose of their old chess sets? They have a pawn shop.
What’s a chess player’s favorite type of lettuce? Endi-game.
Why did the chess player go to the bank? To check-mate.
How does a chess player propose marriage? With a knight’s move.
Why did the chess player bring a new chess board to the party? They heard it was all about the board games.
What do you call a chess player who’s always checking their phone? A rook-ie mistake.
Why doesn’t the queen ever leave the chessboard? She wants to keep an eye on her king.
How does a chess player make a coffee? They use a bishop move.
What do chess players use to clean their boards? Chess knight!
Why did the chess player go to the doctor? They were feeling a bit knight-sick!
How does a chess player make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich? By using a knight and a bishop!
Why was the chess player upset with the pizza? They didn’t see any check-mates on it!
Chess Pick-Up Lines
Hey, are you a chess game? Because I can’t get you out of my head.
Are you a queen? Because I’d love to protect you for the rest of my life.
Excuse me, can I take your picture? I want to show Santa what I want for Christmas.
Are you a bishop? Because you’ve got me on my knees.
I’m a knight in shining armor, want to come for a ride with me?!
Excuse me, can I have a moment of your time? I want to make a move on you.
Do you believe in love at first sight or do I have to move my rook again?
I think I need a doctor, because when I saw you, I felt my heart skip a move.
Excuse me, do you have a queen I can borrow? Because I need one for my kingdom.
Hey babe, mind if I take your king? Because you just stole mine.
Babe, you’re so beautiful, you make me feel like a white square.
Excuse me, can you remind me what my next move is? I’m lost in your eyes.
I’d like to be the one to checkmate you, if you know what I mean.
Are you a rook? Because you’ve got me cornered.
Excuse me, what’s the queen’s power again? Oh right, the power to capture my heart.
Baby, I’d be willing to give up my queen just to be by your side.
Hey baby, you’re like a knight: unique, daring, and always one move away from where you were 5 minutes ago!
Do you play chess? Because you and I are already in perfect harmony.
Excuse me, can you teach me how to evaluate a position? I just want to see your strategy.
Hey you, will you be my chess partner? Because you are the missing piece I was looking for.