80 Doctor Jokes

Introducing the doctor with a prescription for laughter. With a stethoscope and a dose of humor, this comedic healer is ready to tickle your funny bone and cure your case of the giggles.

The “80 Doctor Jokes” will introduce you to a collection of jokes, puns, and anecdotes that are mostly medical and doctor related. Lets start

Hilarious Doctor Jokes

Why did the doctor go to the basketball game? They heard there would be good shots.

What do you call a doctor who can’t fix broken playground equipment? A swinstructor.

Why did the doctor wear sunglasses? Because they had a fever and the only prescription was more shade.

What do you call a doctor with an organized office? A stethoscope-keeper.

Why did the doctor become an actor? They wanted to practice their bedside manner on stage.

What’s a doctor’s favorite drink? Medicine-on-the-rocks.

Why did the doctor always bring a pencil to the exam room? To draw blood, of course.

What do you call a doctor who can also dance? A hip doctor.

Why did the doctor become a musician? They wanted to specialize in “sound” advice.

What’s a doctor’s favorite type of footwear? Sole-patch kids.

Why did the doctor always carry a map? To ensure there were no missed diagnoses.

Why did the doctor fall in love with the nurse? Because she had the perfect “bedside manner” and knew how to “heart” him

Why did the doctor bring a ladder to the hospital? To reach the top shelf of medical knowledge.

What did the doctor say to the patient who swallowed a coin? “Don’t worry; you’ll pass some change soon.”

Why did the tomato turn red during surgery? It saw the salad dressing.

What do you call a doctor who fixes broken fruit? A banana-ologist.

Why did the doctor bring a mirror to the examination room? To reflect upon their practice.

What do you call a doctor who also repairs sneakers? A sneakerologist.

Why did the doctor become a musician? Their patients told them they had excellent “band”-aging skills.

What do you call a doctor with a sweet tooth? A sugar surgeon.

Doctor Pick-Up Lines

Are you a doctor? Because you just cured my loneliness.

Is your name Appendix? Because I have a gut feeling I should take you out.

Are you a cardiologist? Because every time I see you, my heart skips a beat.

I must be a patient, because I can’t get you out of my mind.

Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again in my hospital scrubs?

Are you a surgeon? Because you just took my breath away.

Excuse me, but I think you dropped something: my jaw.

Can you check my temperature? I think I’m coming down with something… for you.

Are you a chiropractor? Because you’ve definitely aligned my spine in the right direction.

Can you prescribe me a map? Because I keep getting lost in your eyes.

Are you an ophthalmologist? Because you make my pupils dilate.

Is your name Novocaine? Because you’re making me feel numb from head to toe.

Are you a dentist? Because you just gave me a filling… in my heart.

I must be an EMT, because every time I see you, my pulse quickens.

Are you an anesthesiologist? Because I’m completely under your spell.

Can you run an x-ray on my chest? I think I just swallowed my heart when I saw you.

Are you a neurologist? Because my mind goes blank every time I’m around you.

Excuse me, but I think you dropped something: my jaw.

Are you an obstetrician? Because whenever I’m near you, I feel labor pains… in my heart.

Can you check my reflexes? Because every time I see you, I can’t help but smile.

Doctor One-Liners

Doctor One-Liners

I’m reading a great book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.

I’d tell you a joke about my spine, but it’s a little crooked.

I used to be a baker, but I couldn’t raise the dough.

Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.

I’m a big fan of whiteboards. They’re re-markable.

I wanted to start a hot air balloon business, but it never really took off.

The invention of the shovel definitely deserves a big hole-decide.

I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve already lost three days.

My boss is going to fire the employee with the worst posture. I have a hunch it might be me.

I used to be indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.

My fear of roses is a thorny issue that I’m working through.

I’m trying to organize a hide and seek tournament, but good players are hard to find.

I thought I knew everything about gardening, but it turned out I was just digging it.

I’m afraid of elevators, so I’m taking steps to avoid them.

I quit my job at the helium factory. I refused to be spoken to in that tone.

I had a dream that I was a muffler last night. I woke this morning feeling exhausted.

I saw an ad for burial plots and I thought, “That’s the last thing I need.”

I’m allergic to bees. That’s why I always wear my honey comb.

I used to be a baker, but my “I’m kneaded” sign got me in trouble.

I’m a nervous flyer, but I always pack a parachute. It gives me a sense of comfort knowing I have options.

Short Doctor Jokes

Did you hear about the doctor who fell into the MRI machine? He had a brief scan-dal.

The doctor told me I had a phobia of giants, but I think he’s just exaggerating.

I asked my doctor if I could take a selfie during surgery. He said it was a “no-suture” situation.

My doctor said I can’t have any caffeine. It’s a real “grounds” for concern.

I went to the doctor and told him I can’t stop singing Green Day songs. He said I have “Basket Case-itis.

I asked my doctor if he knew any jokes about sodium. He said, “Na”.

My doctor asked me if I had trouble swallowing. I said, “No, I’m pretty good at it”.

I told my doctor I think I’m a kleptomaniac. He said, “Take something for that”.

My doctor said I’m in great shape. I said, “Yeah, round is a shape”.

I went to the doctor and told him I broke my arm in two places. He said, “Stay out of those places”.

The doctor said I should avoid excessive sodium intake. I was like, “Na”.

I told my doctor I have a fear of speed bumps. He said, “Well, you’ll slowly get over it”.

I told my doctor my memory isn’t what it used to be. He asked, “What used to be?”

I asked my doctor if I could get information on gaining weight. He said, “Just a fat-chance”.

My doctor told me I have a deficiency in vitamin “sea. I guess I need to go on vacation.

I told my doctor I’m addicted to breakdancing. He said, “You better stop before you pop.

I asked my doctor for an anatomy joke. He said he could tell a kidney joke, but it might be too “punny.

The doctor told me I’m going deaf. I said, “What?”

I asked my doctor if I could get a burger after my workout. He said, “Sure, as long as it’s a gym burger.

I told my doctor I can’t touch my toes. He said, “That’s okay, just tap them on the floor and tell them a secret”.

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