Grapes are an incredible fruit. It is used for wine, oil, juices and a numerous multitude of different products we use in our everyday lives.
For some reason, it is also considered the oldest cultivated fruit on the planet.
Grapes manifest as perennial vine plants with a woody structure. For optimal fruit maturation, it’s recommended to cultivate them in full sunlight, ensuring the necessary warmth. Allocate approximately 6 feet of space for each vine to thrive.
While we all know that grapes are tasty, what many people don’t know is all the punny things you can say about them.
Think of this list as your go-to the next time you need a great grape joke or pun that will leave everyone in awe. Gone are the days when you’ll be grape-less (har har).
Hilarious Grapes Puns
Wine does not have a bunch of laughs with these hilarious grapes?
These grapes understand the fine art of comedy – they’re simply grape at it.
Don’t raisin your expectations too high, but these grape puns are bound to make you laugh.
Get ready to vine and dine on these hilarious grape puns.
These grapes are winemakers by day and comedians by vine.
Why did the grape become a stand-up comedian? Because it knew how to crush it on stage.
What did one grape say to the other grape at the comedy show? “You’re a real comic vine!”
These grape puns are an a-peeling way to add some laughter to your day.
Grapes on stage are known for their grape-stand delivery.
Life with these hilarious grape puns is truly vine-credible.
How do grapes tell jokes? They create wine and punch lines.
Grape puns are truly un-beau-lieveable – they always leave a lasting zin.
Why did the grape get a promotion in the comedy club? Because it had a natural talent for grapevine-ing.
Laughter is just a bunch of grapes away when you dive into these hilarious puns.
These puns are grape-tastic – they’re definitely the raisin behind all the laughter!
Grapes Jokes
Why do grapes make terrible comedians? Because they always end up in wine-ing situations.
How do grapes get to a comedy show? They take the grape-vine.
What do you call a grape that can’t stop telling jokes? A grape joker.
Why did the grape go to stand-up comedy school? It wanted to become a wine and pun master.
How do grapes tell jokes to each other? They pass the punchlines through the grapevine.
What did one grape say to the other grape while on stage? “You’re a bunch of laughs.”
Why did the grape join the improv group? Because it wanted to unleash its grape pun skills.
Why do grapes never laugh at their jokes? Because they always end up getting crushed in a sea of silence.
What do you call a grape who can sing and tell jokes at the same time? A grape-entertainer.
How do Grapes perform a high-energy comedy act? They squeeze out grape puns at a rapid vine.
Why did the grape receive a standing ovation? Because it was a grape performer.
What’s a grape’s favorite type of comedy? Slap-grape humor.
How do grapes create a comedy routine? They ferment their observations into a deliciously funny act.
What do you get when you cross a grape with a comedian? A punny grape jokester!
Why did the grape refuse to tell knock-knock jokes? It didn’t want to wine and dine on predictable humor!
Grapes Pick-Up Lines
Are you a grape? Because you make my heart skip a vine.
Excuse me, but I couldn’t help but notice that you’re looking grape-tastic tonight!
Can I borrow your phone? I want to call my mom and tell her I met the grape-est person ever.
Is your name Merlot? Because you have me under your spell.
Are you a vineyard? Because I’m ready to plant some roots and grow together.
Are you a bottle of wine? Because I can’t seem to get you out of my mind.
Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by you again and let you grape me?
If you were a grape, you’d be the sweetest and juiciest one in the bunch.
If you were a grape, I’d willingly be the vine that wraps around you.
Can I offer you a glass of wine? Because you’re aging gracefully and I’m loving your bouquet.
Excuse me, but do you have a name or can I call you mine?
Are you made of grapes? Because you’re raisin my heart rate.
Is your name Chardonnay? Because you’re the white to my red, and I’m totally hooked.
If you were a grape, I’d treat you like a fine wine – with love, care, and never let you go to waste.
Can I take you out for a romantic dinner? Because you and I are the perfect blend.
Grape One-Liners
I used to work at a grapevine factory, but I got tired of all the vineing.
Why did the grape stop in the middle of the road? It ran out of juice.
A bunch of grapes walked into a bar and the bartender said, “Sorry, we don’t serve your kind here.” The grapes replied, “Don’t wine about it!”
I tried to make a grape pun, but it just didn’t raisin any laughs.
What kind of grape always put others first? A selfless grape.
My grapes told me they wanted to be famous, so I put them on vine.
Did you hear about the grape who won an award? It was very “grapeful” for the honor!
I asked a bunch of grapes if they wanted to perform in a talent show. They said they were only interested in doing “grape-robics.”
How do grapes like to relax? They go to the vineyard and “un-wine-d.”
The grapes held a meeting to discuss their future, but it ended up being just a bunch of sour grapes complaining.
Why did the grape refuse to partake in any drama? It didn’t want to be a raisin of concern.
What did one grape say to the other on their wedding day? “You are the vine I want to be with for the rest of my life!”
I tried to write a novel about grapes, but it was just a bunch of short vignettes.
Why did the grape go to art school? It wanted to become a master of still life.
What do you call a grape that can do magic tricks? A grape magician!
Short Grape Jokes
want to be a grape farmer, but I don’t have the raisins.
Why did the grape break up with the raisin? It wasn’t its type.
Can grapes run a marathon? Of course, they’re always pressing their limits.
What do you call a fake grape? An im-peach-ster.
How do you tell the difference between green and red grapes? You just look closer.
Why did the grape blush? Because it saw the raisin dress up.
What do you call a grape that’s addicted to reading? A book-aholic.
Did you hear about the grape who got stepped on? It let out a little whine.
How do you keep a grape entertained? Just give it some juice.
Why did the grapes go to the movies? They heard it was the premier of the latest vine-tage film.
What do you get when you cross a grape with a sheep? A ewe-nique wine.
What do winemakers do when they’re angry? They just stomp their feet and let out a grape rant.
How do grapes get in shape? They do some grape-obics.
What do you call a grape that’s a good listener? Concord grapes.
Do grapes have any enemies? No, they just have a few people who are sour about them.
Wine Puns
Why did the grape go to college? To get its degree in vinology.
A day without wine is like … just kidding, I have no idea.
I can’t decide if I need a glass of wine, a bottle of wine, or a winery tour. I’m really grape indecisive!
I don’t always drink wine, but when I do, I prefer to do it grapefully.
I poured root beer in a square glass to enjoy some “square root.” It ended up just being wine.
Wine does not enjoy a glass or two? It’s a grape for your soul!
What do you call a bear without teeth? A gummy bear. What do you call a drunk bear without teeth? Winosaur!
Wine drinkers never cry over spilled milk. They whine over spilled wine, though.
All these wine puns are making me feel merlot, so I’m going to chardon-leave-ya.
Why was the wine so expensive? It needed time to age, and time is money.
What’s a wine’s favorite type of movie? A pino-noir!
They say laughter is the best medicine, but I would much rather have a glass of wine.
Why did the grape cross the road? To get to the other vineyard.
A toast to all the wineries out there: You riesling to the occasion every time.
Why are winemakers always unhappy with their products? Because they are always grape dissatisfied!