70 Ice Hockey Jokes

Gosh darn, it’s pretty chilly out there today, isn’t it? You know that a hockey puck is frozen actually – two inches thick on average. I did not know that. So why don’t we talk about ice hockey for a bit?

Ice hockey is not just a sport. On the ice you’ll find die-hard fans who will give their last breath for it, and I bet you know somebody on your friends list who likes the game, whether they’re into it or not.

This doesn’t mean we should have to stop enjoying all the greats of this sport simply because the season has ended.

It means we should stop analyzing hockey stats and start loving the game with these selecion of funny ice hockey jokes. Come take a look and enjoy yourself.

Best Ice Hockey Jokes

Why was the hockey arena so cold? Because there were so many fans.

Why did the hockey player bring string to the game? So he could tie the score.

What do you call a slow skater from Canada? A gentleskater.

Why did the hockey puck go to the bank? To get its Czechs cashed.

How do you know if a hockey player is hungry? He’s always looking for a net.

What do you call a bear at a hockey game? A penalty killing machine.

Why did the hockey player get a penalty for breaking a mirror? He got two minutes for high-sticking.

What did the hockey stick say to the puck? “It’s all in the wrist, kid.”

Why shouldn’t you give a pencil to a hockey player? They might draw a penalty.

What do you call a hockey player who doesn’t shower? Stanley Stink.

Why don’t hockey players drink tea? Because a penalty box is more their cup of tea.

What do you call a hockey player who loves to knit? A sweater scorer.

What do you call a mustachioed hockey player? A playoff beard-o.

Why did the hockey player bring string to the game? So he could tie the score.

Why are hockey games in winter so good? Because they really break the ice.

Why did the coach let the elephant play hockey? Because he was a great trunk forward.

Why do hockey players always win at poker? They know how to ice the competition.

How do you get a hockey player to do laundry? Put a goal at the bottom of the hamper.

Why was the hockey arena so smelly? The players were all wearing their hockey socks.

Why did the Toronto Maple Leafs fan cross the road? To get to the hospital to have his heart checked out.

Ice Hockey Puns

I hope you’re ready to skate-tisfy your funny bone with these ice hockey puns.

“Time to puck-ture yourself laughing with these hilarious ice hockey puns.”

“Don’t be goalie-fied, these ice hockey puns are a total slapshot to your funny bone.”

Warning: These ice hockey puns may cause excessive laughter and ice-cold smiles.

“Lace up your sense of humor and get ready for a power-play of ice hockey puns.”

“Let’s stick-handle our way through these ice hockey puns and make your day funnier.”

“Prepare to break the ice with these ice hockey puns that are oh-so puck-tacular.”

“Get ready for some hockey-themed laughs with these ice hockey puns that are board-ering on genius.”

“Don’t be blue-line, these ice hockey puns are guaranteed to have you in stitches.”

“Time to score some laughs with these ice hockey puns that are in a league of their own.”

“Ready to get checked by these ice hockey puns? They’re guaranteed to give you a good ice-ing.”

“Join the laughter power-play with these ice hockey puns that will make even the toughest defenseman crack a smile.”

“These ice hockey puns are shot in the arm for your mood – they’re high stick-ingly funny.”

“Looking for a way to chill out and relax? These ice hockey puns will ice-olate your worries and bring on the laughs.”

“These ice hockey puns are a goaltender’s worst nightmare – they’ll save your day with laughter.”

Ice Hockey Pick-Up Lines

Ice Hockey Pick-Up Lines

“Are you a goalie? Because you just made a save on my heart.”

“Are you a Zamboni? Because you’ve got me feeling all smooth and slippery.”

“You must be a hockey stick, because you’ve got me hooked at first sight.”

“Did you just shoot a puck past my defenses? Because you’ve scored my heart.”

“Can I be your puck? Because I want you to slap-shot me into your net.”

“Is your name Penalty? Because I can’t help but fall for you every time I see you.”

“You must have a high shooting percentage because you shoot straight to my heart.”

“Excuse me, but are you a hockey player? Because you’ve got all the right moves.”

Is your jersey number 7? Because you’re a real goal-sniper in my eyes.

“Are you a rink? Because I want to skate with you all night long.”

You must be a power-play specialist because you’ve got all the right chemistry with me.

“Are you a defenseman? Because you’ve got me completely frozen in admiration.”

“You must be a hockey puck because you’ve got me spinning in circles.”

Is your name Hat Trick? Because you’ve scored three goals in my heart.”

“Are you a hockey coach? Because I’m ready to take your instructions and be your star player.

Short Ice Hockey Jokes

Why did the hockey puck go to the doctor? It had a slapshot.

What do you call an alligator in a goalie mask? A “gator-tender.”

How do you keep a hockey player from drowning? Take your foot off their head.

Why can’t hockey players go on vacation? They always get caught in the faceoff circle.

What do you call a hockey player with no teeth? A gummy bear.

Why was the hockey arena so cold? Because there was a draft every period.

What’s a hockey player’s favorite type of cell phone? A slap-phone.

How do you describe a bad date with a hockey player? Puck luck.

Why do hockey players drink so many energy drinks? For that “full ice advantage.”

What does a hockey player say when they score a goal? “Net!”

Why was the hockey rink always in trouble? It always started something on ice.

What do you get when you cross a snowman and a hockey player? Frostbite.

What do you call a penguin playing hockey? Sidney Frozen!

Why did the hockey player wear two pairs of pants? In case he got a hat trick!

How do you unlock an opponent’s defense in hockey? You use a quaffle!

What do angry goalies send each other? Net-i-grams.

Why are hockey players the best comedians? They always have a lot of punchlines.

Why did the coach take a screwdriver to the rink? To tighten up the defense.

What do you call a toothless bear playing hockey? Gummi Bear!

How did the hockey goalie quit smoking? He went from crushing butts to stopping pucks.

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