A lawyer is a legal wizard, armed with a briefcase and a sharp mind, who fights battles in the courtroom, defending rights and ensuring justice prevails.
When I think about attorneys, I contemplate how they are a necessary evil. Regardless of where you stand on them, we all joke about lawyers and the funny things they say or do. Here is an interesting list of lawyer jokes.
Best Jokes About Lawyers
Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything, including “billable hours” for lawyers.
What’s the difference between a lawyer and a catfish? One is a scum-sucking bottom feeder, and the other is a fish.
Why don’t sharks attack lawyers? Professional courtesy.
What happens when a lawyer takes Viagra? They get taller.
Why did the lawyer go to law school? To keep people like you out of the courtroom.
What’s the difference between a lawyer and a vampire? The vampire only sucks blood at night.
Why do they bury lawyers 12 feet deep? Because they have deep-down flaky characters, that’s why.
What’s the definition of “mixed emotions”? Seeing your lawyer drive off a cliff in your brand-new Ferrari.
Why did the lawyer take packets of ketchup from the restaurant? Because he wanted to sue the manufacturer for the catchphrase “Tomato ketchup.
What’s the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer? A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
Why do lawyers carry a briefcase and not a purse? Because they’d feel awk-ward arguing in front of a judge with such a fabulous accessory.
Did you hear about the lawyer who became a musician? He traded billing hours for “G-bills.”
What’s the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo? The lawyer charges more.
What do you call an honest lawyer? A myth.
Why did the lawyer cross the road and back again? To bill twice for the same task.
Nice Lawyer Jokes
How does an attorney sleep? First, they “close” their eyes.
What did the lawyer say to the client who was feeling down? “Don’t worry, I’m here to “counsel” your spirits up.”
What’s a lawyer’s favorite type of dessert? “Evidence” pudding.
How do lawyers say goodbye? They wish you a “legal tender” farewell.
Why did the lawyer bring a ladder to court? To “rise” above the objections.
What do you call a lawyer who doesn’t chase ambulances? “A dedicated advocate”.
Did you hear about the lawyer who became a baker? They always knead the dough.
Why did the lawyer become an artist? They needed a “canvas” to express their persuasive skills.
What’s a lawyer’s favorite song? “Jury Can’t Help Falling in Love”.
Why did the lawyer bring a thermometer to court? “Just in case” the case needed a “degree” of evidence.
What did the lawyer say to the doctor at the end of a long trial? “Let’s team up—we’re a case of perfect “malpractice”.
How do you spot a lawyer at a party? They’re always “brief”-ing everyone.
What do you call a lawyer who never loses a case? “A good listener”.
Did you hear about the lawyer’s vacation? They went on a “defendant-free” trip—the ultimate getaway.
Why did the lawyer give up their career to become a gardener? They wanted to “cultivate” justice in a different way.
Court Jokes
Why do they always have a fence around the courthouse? Because there are so many “barred attorneys”.
Did you hear about the lawyer who got a bad case of diarrhea in court? They had a case of “briefs”.
What’s a judge’s favorite type of question? A yes or “your honor”.
Why did the judge wear sunglasses to court? Because they wanted to keep their rulings shady.
What’s a courtroom’s favorite kind of ice cream? “Sue-perman”.
Why did the lawyer break up with their partner? They found out they were in a “contempt” relationship.
What’s a lawyer’s favorite piece of clothing? A “litigating” jacket.
Why do sharks never attack lawyers in court? Professional courtesy.
What’s a courtroom’s favorite TV show? “Judge Judy and Executioner”.
What did the judge say when a skunk walked into the courtroom? “Odor in the court.”
Why did the lawyer become a musician? They wanted to “file” their song in the court of appeals.
What’s a judge’s favorite type of sandwich? A “legally bland” one.
Why did the judge bring a thermometer to court? In case the case needed a “degree” of evidence.
What’s a courtroom’s favorite part of the day? “De-fense” time.
Did you hear about the courtroom that was infested with mice? They started “hanging” the verdicts.
Why did the courtroom hire a cleaning service? They wanted to make sure they were “ordered” in the court.
What’s a judge’s favorite type of music? “Court-et and soul”.
Why did the lawyer bring a map to court? They didn’t want to “lose their direction” during the trial.
What’s a jury’s favorite type of dance? The “verdictango”.
How do you make a tissue dance in court? Put a little “lawsuit” in it.