As the clock ticked closer to midnight on New Year’s Eve, I couldn’t help but feel a wave of excitement wash over me. New Year’s Eve is the time when the world collectively anticipates a fresh start, and what better way to embrace it than with some puns to set the mood?
The moment the calendar flips, I become “resolutionary,” determined to make positive changes in the year ahead. It’s a time to “raisin” the bar, savoring life’s sweet moments, and leaving behind any “baggage” from the past.
As the fireworks light up the sky, I’m reminded to “sparkle” and “shine” in the upcoming year. Here are the 60 best new year puns
Best New Year’s Puns
I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already – here’s to losing a few more in the new year.
I started a bakery at the beginning of the year. It’s been a pretty sweet start.
I made a New Year’s resolution to procrastinate more. I’ll start tomorrow.
The gym said my membership is only good for a year. Guess that’s another resolution down the drain.
Time to address my procrastination issues… maybe next year.
I’m writing a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down, just like my goals for the new year.
My resolution was to lose 10 pounds. Only 15 more to go.
I’m not overweight; I’m just under tall. That’s my excuse for not reaching my fitness goals last year.
I’m starting a diet. I can’t wait to tell everyone how much weight I didn’t lose.
This year, I’m resolving to be more decisive. Maybe.
I asked the calendar for a raise, but all I got was another month.
I was going to quit all my bad habits for the new year, but then I remembered that nobody likes a quitter.
I told myself I should quit drinking, but I’m not about to start listening to a drunk who talks to themselves.
Why did the calendar go to therapy? It had too many issues with dates.
I decided to switch out all my light bulbs for colored ones to add a little more variety to my life. So far, it’s a bright idea.
I’m not a procrastinator; I’m just extremely productive at unimportant things.
I started a garden this year. It’s growing on me.
My resolution is to read more books. I’ve already finished two Oreo packages and a bag of chips.
Why did the calendar feel unwell? It had too many dates.
I’m planning to start a band called “1023 Megabytes.” We haven’t had any gigs yet.
Funny New Year’s Jokes
Why do birds always know how to party on New Year’s Eve? Because they tweet before midnight.
My resolution is to read more, so I turned on subtitles. That counts, right?
Why was the math book sad on New Year’s Eve? Because it had too many problems.
What do you say to your pasta on New Year’s Day? Penne New Year.
My New Year’s resolution is 1080p. I want to be more high-definition.
I told myself I should quit drinking, but I’m not about to start listening to a drunk who talks to themselves.
How did the calendar celebrate the New Year? It had a date.
What’s a New Year’s resolution for a snowman? To chill out more.
My resolution was to lose 10 pounds. Only 15 more to go.
Why did the scarecrow make a resolution? Because he wanted to be outstanding in his field.
Why did the computer go to the party? It wanted to have a byte.
What do you call always being late? Resolutions.
Why did the grape stop in the middle of the road on New Year’s Eve? It ran out of juice.
I’m not a procrastinator; I’m just extremely productive at unimportant things.
What’s a ghost’s favorite party game on New Year’s Eve? Hide and shriek.
Why did the calendar go to therapy? It had too many issues with dates.
How do you organize a fantastic New Year’s party? You planet.
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet on New Year’s Eve? Supplies.
My resolution is to be more positive. So, I’m positive that I’ll break all my resolutions.
Why did the tomato turn red on New Year’s Day? It saw the salad dressing.
Short New Year Puns
Time’s resolution: Tick-tock into the New Year.
New Year’s resolution: Less procrastination, more action.
Cheers to a resolution revolution.
Resolving to laugh more—time for a punch(line).
January 1st: A date with destiny.
2023, be ready to sparkle.
Pop, fizz, clink—New Year’s in a nutshell.
May your resolutions last longer than leftover turkey.
Out with the old, in with the bold.
New Year, new me? Nah, just more puns.
No resolutions, just revolutions around the sun.
Time to turn the page, literally and metaphorically.
Resolving to be punnier in twenty-twenty-three.
Party like it’s 2023… because it is.
New Year, same me—but with better snacks.
Champagne goals on a sparkling budget.
January 1st: Unwrap a fresh start.
Sparkling cider: the bubbly for non-committal drinkers.
Celebrate today, procrastinate resolutions—tomorrow.
Resolutions: More puns, less buns.