They say money can’t buy happiness, but it certainly can buy a lot of laughs when you sprinkle it with puns.
In the world of wordplay, money puns are the true currency of comedy. Whether you’re counting coins or banking on a good time, our blog is your go-to vault for all things pun-tastic.
Whether you’re a penny-pincher, a high-roller, or just someone who appreciates a good laugh, join us on this financial adventure as we show you the money… puns, that is.
Let our collection of 80 money puns make you laugh, think, and maybe even see your finances in a whole new light. Get ready to bank on humor and invest in a world of laughter.
Best Money Jokes
Why did the man put his money in the blender? He wanted to make some liquid assets.
Why did the piggy bank go to therapy? It had money issues.
What do you call a tree that gives money? A cashew tree.
Why do dollar bills never go to war? They prefer to make peace.
How do you make a small fortune in the stock market? Start with a large fortune.
Why did the money go to school? It wanted to get a little change.
Why did the scarecrow win the lottery? Because it was outstanding in its field.
What did the grape say to the dollar bill? “Buddy, you’ve been wine-ing all day.”
What do you call a rich elf? Welfy.
Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
Why did the bank go to the zoo? It heard the lion had quite the interest rate.
Why was the math worksheet so depressed? It had too many problems it couldn’t solve.
How do you organize a space-themed party? You “planet” in advance.
How do rich people get around? They take the cash-flow.
What did the dollar say to the quarter? “You’re worth 4 of me, but I’ve got more style.”
What do you call a bear without any money? A bare bear.
Why did the thief become a baker? He wanted to make some dough.
Why did the football team sign a dollar bill? It wanted a good “quarter”-back.
How do you find out how much a pirate’s earrings cost? You look them up in the “buccaneer’s” guide.
Why was the math test worried about its future? It heard algebra was going to be involved.
Money Puns
I’m “bank”ful for all the money puns in my life.
I’m feeling “dollar”ously creative today.
Time flies when you’re counting money – it just “cents!”
The penny said to the quarter, “I always feel like I can’t “cent” up to you.”
I “coin”stantly think about money puns. I just can’t “bill”d myself.
Old money is like puns – it never goes out of “currency.”
Making money puns is my favorite “cents” of humor.
I tried to start a pun collection about money, but it didn’t “pay” off.
A penny saved is a penny “urned” – I guess it’s time to start investing.
Money might not buy happiness, but it can certainly “change” your perspective.
The math teacher said to the student, “You should really make the connection between numbers and “profit.” It’ll “count” in the long run.
I would make more puns about money, but I’m afraid they’ll become “spen(d)sive” to come up with.
The bakery owner was feeling generous, so he “dough”nated some money to charity.
The vegetable market was so successful that it managed to “turnip” a great profit.
The piggy bank went on a diet – it needed to “slim” down its expenses.
When the money was feeling confident, it said, “I’m on top of the “world”.”
The coin collector was feeling “mint“y fresh after finding a rare piece.
The dollar bill was stressed out, so it went to the spa to “unwind.”
The couple who won the lottery had a “fortune”-ate stroke of luck.
The banker had a great sense of humor – he always had a “bank-ing” joke ready.
Money Pick-Up Lines
Are you a bank loan? Because you have my interest.
Is your name Capital? Because you have all my attention.
Can I borrow a kiss? I promise I’ll give it back with some interest.
Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again and show you my portfolio?
Are you a treasure? Because I’m ready to invest my time in finding you.
If you were a dollar bill, I’d tuck you away in my wallet, because you’re a keeper.
Is your name PayPal? Because when I’m with you, everything feels secure.
Are you a bank account? Because my heart is looking for a safe place to deposit its love.
Your smile must be worth a million bucks because every time I see it, my heart skips a beat.
Can I take you out for dinner? Even though money can’t buy happiness, it can buy delicious meals with great company.
Is your name Cash? Because you’re definitely my type of currency.
Do you have a map? I keep getting lost in your eyes, and I need some guidance.
Can I buy you a drink, or should we just skip to the part where you take my credit card?
I must be a magician because whenever I’m with you, my wallet disappears.
If kisses were dollars, I’d be a billionaire just by looking at you.
If you were a stock, I’d invest all my savings in you because you have the potential for high returns.
Are you a bank vault? Because I want to lock my heart away and give only you the combination.
Excuse me, but I believe you dropped something: my jaw when I saw you.
You must be the winning lottery ticket because meeting you feels like hitting the jackpot.
Can you lend me a kiss? I promise to pay it back with compounded interest.
Money One-Liners
Money can’t buy happiness, but it’s a lot more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes than on a bicycle.
Money talks, but all mine ever says is “goodbye.
The more money you have, the more problems you get — but who doesn’t love problems?
It is better to have some money than to have no money, but it is best to have other people’s money.
Money doesn’t grow on trees, but if it did, bankers would be considered farmers.
The only thing worse than being broke is being rich in debt
I got 99 problems, but money solved, like, 73 of them.
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day.
I’m not rich, I’m just financially challenged.
If at first, you don’t succeed, then maybe you just need more money.
Money can’t buy love, but it can sure buy a lot of stuff to help you forget you’re alone.
I have a photographic memory for money – every time I see it, I forget everything else.
Money can’t buy you happiness, but it’s a lot easier to cry in a Lamborghini than it is on a bus.
I used to think that the golden rule was to treat others as you would like to be treated.
Now, I realize that the golden rule is to make the gold and rule everything.
A bank is a place where you can borrow money as long as you can prove you don’t need it.
Money may not grow on trees but at least it gives you a shade.
There’s nothing wrong with being poor; it’s just inconvenient.
Money can’t buy class, but it sure can buy champagne to cover up your lack of it.
Money doesn’t talk, it swears.
Money is like a sixth sense – and you can’t make use of the other five without it.