What is a horse race without a good joke? Whether it’s the racetrack, Belmont Park, odds makers, jockeys or a fake horse, there are lots of jokes out there about horsing around.
This list of 100 jokes on horse racing will have you laughing till your sides hurt.
Horse Racing Jokes
Did you hear about the horse who started a band? They played all the neigh-sic.
Why did the jockey always carry a map? Because he needed to find the mane course.
How does a jockey pay his bills? With a stable income.
What’s a racehorse’s favorite type of music? Neigh-p hop.
Why did the horse go to school? To improve his mane-datory skills.
Why did the racehorse go bankrupt? Because he didn’t have a stable income.
How do jockeys stay cool during a race? They always have their fans with them.
What do you call a group of horses running together? A racetrack team.
Why did the jockey bring a ladder to the race? Because he heard the competition was stiff.
What do you call a horse that can tell jokes? A stand-up neigh-comedian.
How do racehorses celebrate their victories? They hoof it up.
What’s a jockey’s favorite type of cookie? Shortbread – it’s the mane snack.
Why don’t horses ever gossip? Because they like to keep a stable conversation.
Why did the racehorse go to therapy? He had a lot of un-bridled emotions.
How do horses communicate with each other? Through mane-ly neighs and whinnies.
Why was the jockey always so calm? He knew all the reins to success.
What do you call a retired racehorse? A “hay”-tired horse.
What do you call a horse that loves to watch movies? A “neigh”borhood cinema fan.
Why was the racehorse such a good singer? He always hit the right notes, neigh-turally.
How do you make a small fortune at the racetrack? Start with a large fortune and bet on every horse.
Horse Racing Puns
Did you hear about the racehorse who wanted to start a bakery? He kneaded to win the dough.
Why did the jockey become a poet? He had a way with stanzas.
What’s a racehorse’s favorite part of the day? When they get to let off a little “horse-power”.
I heard the horse couldn’t find his way around the racetrack. He just kept going in “circles”.
The racehorse was feeling a bit sleepy, so he decided to take a quick “hay-break”.
Why was the jockey always happy at the racetrack? He loved living life at a “gallop”.
What do you call a horse who likes to argue? A “neigh-sayer”.
The jockey couldn’t figure out why his horse was so disobedient. Turns out, he was being a “rein-bellious”.
What’s a racehorse’s favorite TV show? “Horsin’ Around”.
Why did the jockey bring a ladder to the race? He wanted to climb the ranks.
The racehorse attempted to tell a joke, but it fell “flat” and “hoof-hearted”.
Why did the jockey take up gardening? He wanted to help his career bloom.
The racehorse had a hard time choosing what to wear to the race, but he finally went with a “bridle” gown.
I tried to bet on the slowest horse at the racetrack, but he barely “paced” my expectations.
The jockey refused to date anyone who didn’t appreciate his “stable” job.
Why did the horse become an artist? He had a real brush with greatness.
What do you call a horse that loves to dance? A “galloping” sensation.
The jockey always loved racing so much, people would say he had a serious “thorough-passion”.
Why did the racehorse fail the math test? He had trouble with “counting” strides.
The horse couldn’t resist telling puns at the racetrack. He just loved “horsing” around.
Horse Racing Pick-Up Lines
Are you a racehorse? Because I bet you’d be a great ride.
Do you believe in love at first gallop, or do I need to make another lap?
Is your dad a jockey? Because you’re a winner in my eyes.
Can I be the pony to your rider?
Do you have a map? Because I just got lost in your horse-y eyes.
Are you a horse whisperer? Because I feel like you can understand me on a deeper level.
If you were a racehorse, I’d put all my money on you.
Do you believe in fate? Because I think we were destined for the winner’s circle.
I never knew horse racing could be so romantic until I saw you.
If you let me be your jockey, I promise to give you the ride of your life.
Do you mind if I saddle up next to you?
My greatest prize would be to take you out on a date.
I hope your heart races for me as fast as a horse at the finish line.
I’m no jockey, but I’d ride you all the way to the finish.
Can I buy you a drink and get lost in conversation about everything from track records to horse anatomy?
Are you at the finish line? Because I can’t help but race towards you.
Is there room on your horse for two? Because I’d love to take a ride with you.
You’re the thoroughbred of my dreams.
Can I take you out on a carriage ride and impress you with my horsemanship?
If you were a filly, I’d bet on you every single time.
Horse Racing One-Liners
I tried betting on a horse once, but I could never get a stable income.
If at first you don’t succeed at horse racing, just hoof it out and try again.
Jockeys can really rein in the competition.
Why did the horse stop in the middle of the race? It needed a hoof-time break.
Some people bet on horse races to win big, but I just do it for the neighs.
Horse racing is a great way to gallop towards your goals.
What do you say to a horse that’s about to run a race? Giddy-up!
The reason people love horse racing is because it’s a mane attraction.
Why did the horse decide to retire? It wanted to put its hooves up and relax.
Did you hear about the jockey who opened a gym? It was for horse-power only.
There’s no horsing around when it comes to winning a horse race.
Why was the jockey always so successful? He knew which reins to pull.
The great thing about horse racing is it’s always an equine adventure.
When it comes to betting on horse races, just remember to stay stable.
The only time I ever win at horse racing is when I’m betting on a horse named “Lucky”.
Why do horses make great athletes? Because they have stable legs.
What do horses say to each other before a race? We’re in for a TREAT!
Did you hear about the horse who always finished last? It just needed to get its bearings.
Horse racing is the ultimate test of both horse and jockey’s endurance and perseverance.
If you want to know how to truly run a great race, you just have to hoof it to win it.
Short Horse Racing Jokes
Why did the racehorse go to school? It wanted to improve its stable grades.
How do jockeys determine what to name their horses? They let them hoof it out in a brainstorming session.
What do you call a horse that lives next door? A neigh-bor.
How do racehorses travel? By stable-on wheels.
What do you get when you cross a racehorse with a bee? Fast honey.
Why do racehorses make terrible comedians? Their jokes always fall flat at the finish line.
How do horses navigate through life? They follow their in-stinks.
What did one racehorse say to the other after a big win? “We’re hoof-tastic.”
Why don’t horses ever wear flip-flops? They prefer to trot around in their horseshoes.
How do racehorses communicate during a race? They use horse code.
What did the jockey say to the horse that won by a nose? “You really know how to nose out the competition.”
Why was the racehorse always so polite? It had impeccable maners.
What do you call a horse that likes to play the piano? A musi-cal neigh-bor.
Why did the racehorse bring a ladder to the track? It wanted to reach for the stars.
How did the racehorse apologize to its jockey? It said “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to stirrup trouble.”
Why did the horse go to the barber? It wanted a pony-tail.
What’s a racehorse’s favorite game? Stable tennis.
Why did the racehorse bring a pillow to the track? It wanted to take a stable-nap.
How do racehorses stay fit? They always watch what they eat and make sure to get plenty of jockey-size.
Why don’t racehorses ever listen to rock music? They prefer a steady trot instead.