Snakes, the slippery pranksters, are nature’s belly-crawling comedians. They slither around like they’re in a never-ending game of “Snake and Ladders,” but instead of ladders, they’re always on the lookout for a good tree branch slide.
Just remember, snakes are basically legless fashionistas, always rocking their scales with an air of “s-s-s-sophistication!”
Here are some of the best and funniest wordplay jokes with funny slithery snakes.
Best Snake Jokes
What do you call a snake that builds things? A “boa”constructor.
Why did the snake go on a diet? It needed to shed some scales.
How do snakes write letters? With a hiss-torical pen.
What do you call a snake that works for the government? A civil serpent.
Why don’t snakes like fast food? Because they can’t catch it.
What did the snake say to the mathematician? “Leave me alone, I’m trying to “s-s-s-solve” a problem.”
How do snakes tell if they’re underweight? They check the “scale.”
Why don’t snakes need to study for exams? Because they always “hiss” the mark.
What’s a snake’s favorite subject in school? Hiss-tory.
What do you call a snake that grows vegetables? A gardener snake.
Why did the snake go to school? To improve its hiss-tory knowledge.
What’s a snake’s favorite band? Coldplay, because they love to hiss along.
Why did the snake bring a ladder to the party? It wanted to climb up the “cobra-net.”
How does a snake decorate its home? With “cobra-web” curtains.
What’s a snake’s favorite kind of math? Adder-ition.
Why do snakes always know their way around? Because they have venomous sense of direction.
What’s a snake’s favorite dessert? Apple “python.
How do you measure the length of a snake? In inches… they don’t have feet.
What do you get when you cross a snake and a pie? A “pithon” dessert.
Why don’t snakes make good lawyers? They can never find a “venom-able” witness.
How do snakes make important decisions? They flip a “hisstory” coin.
What do you call a snake that tells jokes? A “hiss-ter” comedian.
Why did the snake enroll in a dance class? It wanted to learn the “rattle.”
What do you call a snake that’s a heavy sleeper? A “boa” constrictor.
How do snakes write secret letters? They use invisible “hiss-ink.”
What do you call a snake with a long-lasting cold? A “hisss-ter-suffer.”
How do snakes cut their hair? With a “cobra-scissors.”
Why don’t snakes need to go to the beach? They can always shed their skin for a tan.
What do you call a snake with a great personality? A “charma”conda.
Why did the snake buy a laptop? To surf the “web.
Snake Puns
Why did the serpent become a stand-up comedian? It had a great “hiss-ter” of jokes.
Did you hear about the snake that opened a bakery? It was called “Hiss-terious Bites.”
How do you make a snake laugh? Ticklish itsssssssues.
What do you call a snake with a fancy hat? A hissss-ter of style.
Why don’t snakes have any friends? They’re too “coiled” and distant.
What’s a snake’s favorite subject in school? Math, because it’s all about “adder-ition.”
How do snakes propose to their partners? They give them a “ring-a-little-neck.”
Did you hear about the snake who won the talent show? It was a “hissss-terical” performance.
Why did the snake take up gardening? It wanted to grow its own “hiss-teria.”
What’s a snake’s favorite dance move? The “twissssst.”
How do snakes communicate on the internet? They use “hiss-tergrams.”
Why don’t snakes play hide and seek? They’re always “scale-ing” walls.
What do you call a snake that’s a detective? A “slytherin-spector.”
Why did the snake become a doctor? It wanted to help patients “adder-ly.”
What do you get when you cross a snake and a bird? A feathered “hiss-teria.”
How do snakes stay in shape? They do “hiss-terobics.”
What did the snake say to the naughty kid? “You’re hiss-behaving.”
Why don’t snakes ever get in trouble at school? They’re always on their “hiss-terical” behavior.
How did the snake become a famous artist? It had a great “hiss-tory” of painting.
What do you call a snake that sings country music? A “rattlein’ roll” star.
Why did the snake become a musician? It wanted to join a “hiss-terical” band.
How do snakes like to travel? They prefer to go “slither-class.”
What’s a snake’s favorite type of movie? A hissss-terical comedy.
Did you hear about the snake that got a job at the zoo? It became a “hiss-ter”keeper.
Why did the snake become a scientist? It wanted to discover the secrets of “hiss-tory.”
What do you call a snake that’s a great dancer? A “boa con-dancer.”
How do snakes stay organized? They use a “hiss-terical” planner.
Why did the snake bring a suitcase to the party? It wanted to pack its “hiss-terical” belongings.
What’s a snake’s favorite dessert? Sssssstrawberry sssssshortcake.
Why did the snake become a teacher? It wanted to impart its “hiss-torical” knowledge.
Snake Pick-Up Lines
Are you a snake charmer? Because you have me completely under your spell.
Are you a snake? Because you make my heart slither with joy.
Can I borrow your phone? I want to call Animal Control, because you’ve just stolen my heart.
Are you a pyth-on? Because meeting you feels like a magical python experience.
Are you a snake pit? Because I’m falling for you, and I can’t find my way out.
Is your name Anaconda? Because I’m irresistibly drawn to you.
Excuse me, but I think you dropped something… my jaw.
Are you a python? Because you’ve wrapped yourself around my thoughts.
Are you a boa constrictor? Because I feel like you’re slowly squeezing the breath out of me with your beauty.
If you were a snake, you’d be a copper-bottomed boa, because you’re impeccably stunning.
Are you a charming serpent? Because you’ve managed to charm me without even trying.
Can I follow you home? My parents always told me to follow my dreams.
Are you a snake charmer? Because you just charmed the pants off me.
Excuse me, but are you a reptile? Because you make me cold-blooded.
Did it hurt when you fell from the snake tree? Because you’re definitely a snake in the grass.
If you were a snake, you’d be venomously beautiful.
Is your skin made of scales? Because it looks like you were crafted to slither into my heart.
Are you a snake catcher? Because you’ve caught more than just my attention.
I must be a mouse because you make my heart race like a snake’s prey.
Are you a boa? Because I’m getting wrapped up in your eyes.
Snake One-Liners
Why did the snake cross the road? To get to the reptile side.
I asked my pet snake how he was feeling, but all he said was “hiss off.”
I’m not saying I’m afraid of snakes, but I prefer to keep a safe distance. Like, on another continent.
You know what they say, a snake in the grass is worth two in the hand.
How do you tell the difference between a snake and a stick? Just poke it and see if it pokes back.
You may think snakes are slimy, but they’re actually quite smooth operators.
Did you hear about the snake that got a job at a pet store? He was a hiss-terical salesman.
I knew someone who was bitten by a venomous snake, but he got over it in a matter of minutes. He was a very patient man.
You can’t trust a snake, they’re always ready to shed their skin and be someone else.
Why don’t snakes have Instagram accounts? They’re afraid of revealing their reptile dysfunction.
If snakes wore pants, would they wear them long or just short hiss?
What do you call a snake that works for the government? A civil serpent.
I think my pet snake is going through a mid-life crisis. Yesterday he bought a sports car.
People often underestimate snakes, but they’re actually very cultured. They appreciate the finer things in life, like hisstory and sssymphony.
You might think snakes are scary, but they’re really just misunderstood noodles.
Why don’t snakes have pets? Because they can’t stand the hissing sounds.
I went on a date with a snake once, but it didn’t work out. Turns out he was just a slippery character.
I don’t always hiss, but when I do, it’s usually because there’s a snake nearby.
I was going to give my snake a name, but he told me to hiss off.
What do you get when you cross a snake and a pie? A python.